You Look Like Your Dog Just Died

An appropriate title, as my dog did just die.  My constant companion of 12 years - before my husband, before my son, before my daughter.  Milo & I lived together in five different houses, with several different roommates.  I always knew that this house would be the last one he would live in, simply because he was 12 and I knew we weren't moving anytime soon, if ever.  But, I never knew how short his time would be in this house.

It's still sort of painful to even think about - it all happened rather suddenly.  We always joked that Milo was the sort of dog that had "9 Lives."  I can't begin to recount the trouble he got into, the trips to the emergency vet, the chocolate eating - the list is endless.  At the time they seemed like such a hassle, but I now look back on all of those times as an adventure - Milo always kept life exciting, even if it was at the expense of your bank account.  After a recent vet visit, the doctor noted that Milo's spine had two spots where the vertebrae were literally touching - nothing in between them anymore.  He was surprised the dog wasn't in pain, but had also noted it a few years back so we weren't too worried.  He had his annual check-up at the beginning of January, and came home happy & healthy.

About two weeks into January, I noticed that every so often the dog would wimpier a bit, and sit down on his back legs.  With two kids & another dog running around, I didn't think much of it, but certainly noticed it more when things would die down here in the evenings.  It all intensified rather quickly, and before we knew it the dog was having trouble walking, was in constant pain - crying all day & night - and none of the pain remedies or drugs we tried were working.  It was time...

Just like people tell you once you have had a child, you are part of a certain group of women - those who have given birth - you understand, you've been there - there is something very sad & powerful about losing a family pet.  I had dogs as a child, and certainly remember them passing away, but this was somehow different - my pet, my companion.  I immediately went back in my memory to when my Dad had to put down our 13 year old Collie/Shepard mix, Beanie, as a kid.  It is one of the times I really remember my Dad being truly sad, and now I understand that grief fully.

We buried Milo in our backyard, and I visit him there often, as do the kids.  Wyatt is almost 5, and of course has a more curious mind than Stella, being only 18 months.  We have had lots of conversations about death, heaven, losing pets & even family members.  My husband & I have had plenty of sad nights - they seem to be becoming fewer & fewer though.

Even as I write this, I still feel sad.  I have been told that I will for a while.  To anyone else going through this, I understand - I really do.  I keep telling my husband "I want to start 2012 over," as it seems it has been filled with illnesses, the death of our beloved Beagle, and the constant challenges of motherhood in general, but I have learned a lot from this, and I feel that it has pushed me to really turn 2012 around.

Milo, you are missed...

Milo's last night at home
May 2000 - January 2012

Life with Two

What is life like with two? Well, lets put it this way - I started this post about 3 weeks ago - that's how life with two is. Honestly though, things have been going as well as expected. I hesitate to put anything good down in writing, for fear that I will jinx myself ;)

The sleep deprivation all over again has probably been the hardest adjustment - I could change poop diapers till the cows come home, and really don't mind the fussing or spit-up either. But man, does Mama need her sleep. What makes it exceptionally harder the second time around is having to keep up with #1 while #2 has kept you awake for hours. But somehow the time seems to fly by, and just when I thought I would go insane from lack of sleep we have already hit the 1 month mark! Stella, nicknamed Bean around here, has been sleeping some 4-5 hour stretches lately & developing a bit of a nighttime pattern, which is nice. For the first week, my husband & I were like 2 ships passing in the night - sleeping upstairs & down & taking turns rocking the baby. I was convinced I had ruined our lives & Wyatt's by adding this extra person into the mix, and that my husband& I would never share a bed again. But, by the end of week one, things started to fall into place somewhat.

For those that know me, you know I kept a VERY detailed sleep/milestone/feeding log with Wyatt and, although every child is different, I am hoping it comes in handy later with #2. Well, apparently I didn't log much in the first 6 weeks...and I also have a very selective memory of the first 6 weeks events. No notes, nothing! We got home with Stella and Seth & I kept saying to each other "Do you remember Wyatt doing this?" or "When did we put Wyatt in his crib?" - I immediately called on other friends with 2 kids for advice on how to cope & all provided very helpful hints. Now that we are at 4 weeks, I am feeling a bit better & a lot is coming back to me.

Wyatt has been a stellar big brother - wanting to help change diapers & doting on the baby. There is some occasional squeezing & poking that needs to be monitored :), but other than that, things seem to be going well. He is quite fond of her. I have had to dig deep on many occasions to maintain my patience with him as I work through the moments where both are having meltdowns, are hungry or need something - it does get a little easier everyday.

So, that's the scoop for now - as much as I could type out in the few spare moments that I don't have a toddler in my lap, or a baby in my arms! Here are some favorite photos from the past 4 weeks:

A thumbsucker like her big bro? We shall see!!

With Daddy after the black tie wedding we attended

We have already taken an out-of-state trip with the baby!

Here's me, Stella & Papa at Forsyth Park in Savannah

A visit from cousin Sarah

Our first meal at home as a new family of four!

(Yes, I am nursing Stella at the dinner table - whatever it takes people, whatever it takes...)